He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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