I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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