living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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