he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
