I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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