Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
