Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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