Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Found the puke drawer
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
