Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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