I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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