I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
