Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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