nut hugger
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
