I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
