Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
