OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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