When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I did not marry a roomba.
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