hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize