Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
