I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone