I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also fuck yeah conspiracy