I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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