my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.