so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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