I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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