Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
