I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
