apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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