Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
