Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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