I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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