You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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