I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
4 words: hood of his car
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize