she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
