Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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