Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
