At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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