Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
