Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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