I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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