you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
