Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
