I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize