i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
