No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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