I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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