I can text with my tongue
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
