I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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