booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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