she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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