mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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