why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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