So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
