why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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