My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
