Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
