I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
