Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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