oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
