Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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