WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
